Advice required ■■■ Hello everyone I am looking for your advice / a place to vent. I am getting married at the st...
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Advice required ■■■
Hello everyone
I am looking for your advice / a place to vent. I am getting married at the start of JULY 2023, so only 3 months time! We have planned a wonderful day, with a religious ceremony and then the reception at a grand House.
The issue - my husband to be has a brother who is problematic, to put it mildly, and ever since I have known him, his brother has taken drugs. He is the same age as me, but has never had a job, doesn’t really leave the house, doesn’t have any friends and mainly just sits at home taking drugs and causing problems. He has some mental health issues too, and there have been several arguments within the family but my fiance mother always takes the drug addict brother side.
Previously, my fiancé and his brother have gone years without speaking because of the issues and the way he is. His parents do very little to help and sometimes I actually think they enable him. There is no discipline because they are scared of him. They allow him to do the drugs basically because they wont and cant stand up to him.
he was admitted to rehab about 3 years ago and spent around 3 months there. He refuses help and will just lock himself away in the bedrom
Over the past year, things seemed to improve and my fiancé and his brother built a relationship again. However, in the past month there have been warning signs that he is using drugs again. I hate drugs and it actually makes me feel very sad how someone is throwing their life away
Despite this, last weekend my fiancé had a meal with his friends to celebrate the engagement and to us getting married. Not exactly a stag do but a celebration with his friends before getting married. He invited his brother. From what I have heard, he completely ruined the whole night. He seems to have a severe jealousy towards my fiancé and never deals well with days that are all about / to celebrate him. In summary, over the day he: refused to join in at the football they were playing, shouted at my fiancé in the middle of West London in the busy area, and tried to punch him, strangled one of my fiancé’s friends whilst drunk (causing him to drop all of his food and for the others to all be whispering about it the next morning), refused to get out of bed to check out the next day. He also took drugs in the restaurant toilets and apparently created a very tense atmosphere.
My fiancé was absolutely fuming when he got home and said that he didn’t think his brother should come to our wedding anymore, as he would definitely ruin it.
This obviously really worried me as my whole family, all my friends, my boss, and my very sick mum will be at the wedding. I don’t think I could ever forgive him / the whole family if he ruined my wedding day.
My fiancé has spoken to his mum, who is, however, adamant that he has to be there. And she will be annoyed if they can't attend with the brother.
What should I do? I really don’t want to risk him ruining the whole day (which he could do in no less than 5 seconds) but also conscious that he is my fiancé’s brother!
On top of all of this, my own mother was diagnosed with cancer in October and had the major surgery just 2 days ago. Work is also very stressful at the moment. I feel like I am at absolute breaking point and can’t take much more.
please help me
Sent in by Fluffyguffy
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